Do You Know What This Means?

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It means I’m back in the saddle again.  YES!  Finally got clearance from my oncologist after my 1 1/2 year tango with cervical cancer.  Now that dance is over (hopefully for good) and I’m ready to saddle up for an embryo transfer.  Of course they are making me do the saline ultrasound and a few other tests first but according to my RE I should be able to start my cycle with my Oct period and do a transfer right before Thanksgiving.  WHAT!!!????  I have to get a written clearance from my rheumatologist because of the Lupus but I already have a verbal from him.  Of course he wants to see me (and my co-pay) before he gives his written approval but whatever- I’m just happy to be able to TRY for Baby #2.

We had wanted to try for Baby #2 when Jackson turned 1 but obviously that didn’t happen.  It has actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  We have been able to totally focus on him for the past 2 years and not have to share that with another baby.  Parenting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  Its exhausting but is overflowing with so many amazing rewards.  This child has taught me more in 2 years than I’ve learned in 43.  Who wouldn’t want another one?  Of course, as we all know, WANTING and HAVING can be miles apart on the journey that is IVF.  I have a few more rocky roads to travel now than I did when we were trying for Jackson.  First, we only have 3 embryos left.  And I don’t mean to sound flippant by saying “only” but another thing we all know is “many” can turn into “zero” overnight.  The 3 we have are graded (BB, BC and CB expanded blasts), but not tested so I’ll label that Speed Bump #1.  Speed Bump #2, I’m 3 years older than I was last time.  That could possibly work against me but the fact that I’ve already had a child might work in my favor.  Hopefully my body will remember being pregnant and kick into gear and know what to do.   I would say its “muscle memory” but with my diastasis recti I don’t have much muscle to speak of (joke but could be another speed bump).  Speed Bump #3, I have Lupus.  Now granted, I may have had it last time and not known or it was dormant and hormones lured it out- who knows.  Luckily its not severe and I’m not “planning” on having too many issues with it.  I’ve actually heard that some people with Lupus have less symptoms while pregnant so I’m hoping I’m one of those luckies.  Speed Bump #4, I have significantly less cervix than last time.  My oncologist feels that he left me with enough cervix to be stitched closed like last time but we really won’t know for sure (until we do).  We are assuming worse case I would require mandatory bed rest but keeping my fingers crossed that this won’t be necessary.  Shit, with Jackson they told me I would go into labor as soon as my cerclage was removed at 38 week.   But that little sucker stayed in and refused to come out.  Hence my induction at 42 weeks and then c section 3 days later lol.  So I have 4 Speed Bumps that at any moment can turn into a pot hole.  And not just a “oops I felt that” pot hole but the kind that sucks in your car and pops your tire leaving you stranded waiting for AAA.  But its a journey I’m willing to take so I’m grabbing my travel mug and putting the car in drive.  Wait, none of these references have anything to do with a saddle or a horse- fuck, should I change the picture?  LOL

Last week I went for my first visit with the RE in almost 3 years.  On the way there my mind was racing (like a horse- saddle reference- SCORE!)  I thought of all the speed bumps.  I thought about all the trauma my heart and body have endured.  I thought of the PTSD I’ve already suffered.   I thought of the amazing little miracle I already have at home and wondered if I can get that lucky twice.  I came to a red light and was about to make a right turn when I looked up.  The light was red for a reason.  It was telling me to stop and take notice.  Silly little me forgot the name of the road that I turn on to get to the RE office- its all clear now and my mind is at peace…

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I’ve Been A Busy Little Beaver

imagesHello, hello, hello!!!  I can’t even remember the last time I was able to blog.  My mind is exploding with thoughts but I seriously have no time to blog anymore.  The only reason I am able to today is I’m sitting in jury duty waiting to possibly be called.  This sucks!

So what have I been up to?  First and foremost I’ve been raising Jackson, which is a 24/7 job in itself.  Additionally I work full time.  Remember the days when I could blog at work- yeah, those days are over.  They actually have me working now so no such luck on the blog front.

Jackson is now 19 months old and a full on beast.  He’s 30 lbs and 34 inches.  Hes’s very advanced for his age and keeps my head spinning constantly.  Holy shit- never thought it would be this hard OR this rewarding.

In the past 19 months I have dealt with so much- half of which I don’t have words for and most that require their own blog post.

Highs-

  • being a mom, which has been all that I have dreamed of but also brings…

Lows-

  • postpartum depression and anxiety (one sucks but to have both is mind blowing!)
  • marital stress
  • diastasis recti
  • Jackson’s health
    • fistula surgery at 5 1/2 months
    • RSV and pneumonia at 7 months
    • 7 stitches in his forehead at 18 months
    • monthly daycare illness

In addition to all of that I was diagnosed with Lupus and my cervix issues have resurfaced in the angriest of ways.  I’ve had a few surgeries and have been seeing an oncologist.  We had wanted to do an embryo transfer this past summer when Jackson turned one.  Unfortunately the Lupus and my stupid cervix destroyed that plan.  Fingers crossed my oncologist will clear me for a transfer after I have another biopsy mid-April.

I hope everyone has been been doing well and all the once empty arms are full now.  I really miss blogging and hope to find the time to get back to it soon.  I also would like to be able to update my other blog  Parenting A to Z with products reviews and words of wisdom- God knows my little one has taught me much more than I ever expected.

Bye for now!

Vote For Jackson (pretty please)

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I entered Jackson in the Parents Magazine cute kid contest- go vote!  (pretty please- with sugar on top)

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A quick update on my baby (that will be a college student if I blink)

– in 2 days he will be 33 weeks old (7 1/2 months)

– as of a few weeks ago he was 20 lbs, 2 oz

– his last measurement was 27 1/2 inches long but that was about 2 months ago so who knows how long he is now

– he’s wearing 12 and 18 month clothes

– he eats NON STOP (but he’s not fat- he’s solid)

– he’s been holding his own bottle since he was 4 months (Mr. Independent)

– he started crawling last week and now he’s pulling himself up on everything and WILL NOT be confined, slowed down or held down lol

– he has 3 teeth (2 on the bottom and 1 up top)

– he weaned himself off the pacifier and is quickly weaning himself off the boob (this makes me VERY sad)

– he is SUPER active and makes me feel way older than 42

– he is the love of my life and I could not imagine life without him

– he is proof that “worth the wait” does exist

Why This Offends Me & Other Superheros

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Warning- the fact that I’m actually offended by this may offend others but its my party and I’ll cry if I want to

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OK I know it’s not fair to have been MIA for a while and then return with a soapbox rant but I’m pissed.  I saw the above meme on Facebook this morning and I’m all fired up about it.  It reminded me that I’ve seen similar pictures with equally offensive quotes.  And to add insult to injury some memes have gone so far as to liken pregnancy to a super power.

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And while I’m at it let me throw another log onto the fire that’s burning within me.

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No, I need to stop.  I can’t even get myself started with that last meme- its a whole other blog post.  Let me take some deep breaths and focus for a while on the initial offense.

For those not familiar with the image or its history here’s a quick drive by schooling.

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The poster was originally created in 1943 by J. Howard Miller for Westinghouse Electric.  It was intended to boost worker morale during World War II.  I’m not sure if it really worked since it seemed to only gain popularity years later (once the feminist movement was in full swing and women decided to start sticking up for themselves).  Now the image is seen as a symbol representing the “power of a woman”- hear me roar kinda stuff.  Which brings me to why the memes piss me off…

I believe it makes some women feel like they need to “egg”, grow and birth a child to be a powerful woman.  And if it doesn’t actually make them feel that way then it at least makes them feel like that’s what society expects from them whether they can (or want to) do it or not.  Honestly any woman who actually thinks they have super powers because they birth a child deserves to be beat with her own uterus (thanks Amanda for the great idea!)  The real super heroes are women that birth babies for those who can’t. Truth be told you don’t have to do any of those things to be a powerful woman.  You don’t have to ever have a child within a 5 mile radius of you.  You don’t have to want children to be a powerful woman.  If you want to make a correlation between having a baby and being a Mommy here’s a news flash- “growing” a child does NOT make you a Mommy.  NURTURING a child makes you a Mommy.  Therein lies the TRUE super power.  Maybe I’m just bitter from my past struggles to have a baby?  Maybe I’m overprotective of all the super women that I’m friends with that have used donor eggs, donor embryos, surrogates or adopted to become a Mommy?  Or maybe I want to shield my Wonder Woman friends who are still struggling to become a Mommy and are already feeling “less than”?  Or maybe I just don’t like the messages/lies that are being delivered to our little girls these days-  “a knight in shining armor will rescue you”, “you need to be smothered in pink”, “you need to be girly”, “you should want to have a baby”, and the worst lie of all “when you decide you are ready you will be able to have a baby”.  None of these define what a woman is, should be or needs to be.  Martha Stewart is crafty, Mary Duggar is not.

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Parenting A to Z

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I created a new blog site.  I know what you’re thinking- I have some nerve starting a new site when I don’t even keep up with this one- yeah, yeah, yeah.  But this other one will be quick and easy to maintain because I will mostly be reposting from other blog sites or social media.  Its more of a sharing thing.  Its brand new- as in TODAY new so I don’t have all the fun widgets and whatnot set up yet but if you want to be proactive and follow me now go to www.parentingatoz.wordpress.com and enter your email address.  Come on over- all the cool kids (and parents) are doing it.

This is what is listed on the About section of that blog site…

Welcome to ParentingAtoZ.  This blog site was created as a place to share all things parenting related (important tips, warnings, challenges, etc.)  Some posts will be of my own genius content while others will be found from social media.  Warning- what I consider “genius content” is my opinion.  You will not always agree.  You will also find that my humor is twisted and I don’t sugar coat anything- deal with it lol.

I welcome you to follow this site as well comment on what you read.  If you are going to comment- please play nice.  We all teach our children to do so and we must lead by example.

If you have something you would like to contribute please email it to me at parentingatoz@yahoo.com

Happy parenting!

Do You Miss Me?

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I know, I know- its been MONTHS since I’ve blogged.  Honestly I’ve been missing it A LOT and I have tons to share but it is near impossible to do anything with a 5 months old.  Yup- he’s 5 months already- can you believe it?

Well, I’m finally back to work (aka the place where I blog) full time so I will be getting back into the swing of things shortly.  Don’t worry- you will be sick of me and my cute kid before you know it 🙂

In the meantime I will leave you with Jackson’s 1st picture with Santa.  He’s so damn proud of himself lol.

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I’m A Mommy (cliff notes version)

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I’m a mommy!  I know I suck at updating my blog but I honestly have not had a chance to jump on here since he was born.  He’s sleeping now so before he wakes and wants the boob here is the very quick, cliff notes version of how he came into the world.  I promise to give you all the gory details as soon as I have a chance.

Jackson Xavier was born at 1:37 am on July 30, 2014.  He weighed 9 lbs, 13 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long.  He finally came to us after being induced with Pitocin, 2 days of labor (half the time with no epidural), 3 hours of pushing (with a worn off epidural at the end) and then finally having a C-section because he was too big for me to push out.   

From day 1 he has been super alert (he looked right at Mike when he came out) and has been able to lift his head and look around.  He is also able to roll on his side and hates being swaddled or put on his back.  For the most part he is a very good baby who only cries when he needs a diaper change or is hungry.  There have been some episode where he has cried for hours but that has only happened 2 or 3 times so far.

We are totally 1,000% head over heels in love with this little monkey.