F%$k You Death!


I’m not sure how much a pregnant person is expected to handle but its been a rough few days for me.  It started on Thursday when we had to put our dog Oz down.  Literally the next day Diva Danny’s dad died.  I’ve known this man since kindergarten.  He was old and had been sick but it’s still heartbreaking.  Saturday morning I had to leave for a business trip so I had to miss his services.  I also felt awful leaving Mike all alone since he’s so heartbroken over Oz.


Tuesday I received 2 phone calls from friends while I was in FL but ignored the calls.  I was there running a conference and needed to remain focused so that I didn’t break down in tears.  Turns out I should have taken the calls because Wednesday morning, while waiting for my plane, I saw on Facebook that my friend Andrea died on Monday.  Over the past 14 years she had survived breast cancer and brain cancer.  Recently they had found some cancer cells but she was being treated and the doctors said she would be ok.  Monday (her 42nd birthday) she was disoriented and went to the hospital.  Turns out she had water on her brain and died within hours.  My heart hurts so bad right now.  She was sooooo excited for my baby shower.  She said she felt like she was the one having a baby and would live vicariously thru me.  Life is so unfair sometimes.  She was a beautiful soul.


And the cherry on top of my shit sundae- Mike has strep throat AND threw his back out.   He’s been on antibiotics so gladly he’s no longer contagious but his voice is still hoarse.   He is in bad shape with his back though and walking like a zombie.  Tonight we have our first birthing class at the hospital so I’m not sure how he’s going to make it thru that.  Hopefully this first class is more lecture than practice.

All of the above has me under so much stress I feel like I’m going to explode.  I’ve had my weepy moments but haven’t had a good cry.  I’m so afraid to stress the baby so I’m trying to focus on the good times I’ve had with everyone and not focus on the loss.  It’s still so heartbreaking though.  There are times I feel I can’t catch my breath.  I am so grateful and blessed to be having this baby I just wish there wasn’t so much sadness clouding what is supposed to be such a happy time.

3 thoughts on “F%$k You Death!

  1. I’m so sorry for your many recent losses! That’s a lot to handle right now, you don’t have to be strong all the time- sometimes a good cry is exactly what we need. I hope things start getting better soon!

  2. Oh dear, I wish there was something…anything…that i could say that would make things better. You have had a truly craptastic week. My heart goes out to you. Xxx

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