The Stitches Are Out!


Finally my stitches are out.  It happened yesterday but I was too traumatized to write about it.  Like a jackass I Googled what the removal entailed and pretty much vomited in my mouth.  I read some forum posts of other’s accounts of the removal- another big mistake.  Some felt it was nothing more than the discomfort you would feel from a pap smear but others said it was excruciatingly painful.  Great!


The drawings aren’t bad but to see the  real pictures of it being done- blech!

I went in and Dr. Hux was there with the new gynecologist, the US tech, the nurse and Mike- nothing like a crowd.  The speculum was much larger than the car jack they use for a pap smear.  It had 4 expandable sides instead of 2.  It hurt like hell when he put it in.   Keep in mind I got the cerclage at 13 weeks and I’m now 37 and nothing has been in me all this time- I’m like a born again virgin.   Yes, a pregnant born again virgin lol.  I was hoping the speculum insertion would be the worst of it but nooooo.  The further up it went the more painful it was.  It got to the point that I was practically standing in the stirrups trying to back away from the speculum and the pain.  When it was as far as they needed it Dr. Hux clicked it in place and the real pain began.  I have never in my life experienced this type of pain.  When I’ve had cervical biopsies they don’t numb you and I thought that was painful.  Compared to this a biopsy is a piece of cake!   I felt like I was being split in 2 and my insides were being cut out with an old rusty knife.  I knew there was a chance of my cervix starting to grow on the stitches and apparently that happened.  I didn’t cry but I was so dizzy from the pain.  I kept saying “ow, ow, ow”.  Mike was rubbing my head and the US tech was holding my hand.  That poor woman- I’m surprised she didn’t have any broken fingers.  Finally Dr Hux said “We’re done” and held up the stitch.  Mike said, “holy shit!!”  It looked like a guitar string- not like the thin thread I was expecting.  It was thick and long- no wonder this cerclage held up so well.  I felt a rush of fluid pour out of me and I asked, “did my water break or am I peeing?”  Hux said it was just blood and to stay still while they cleaned me up.

I was embarrassed for expressing my pain.  I apologized to everyone but they reassured me that I was actually a trooper and handled it better than most.  I said, “if this is what labor is going to be like I’m definitely going to need an epidural.”  Hux said “you will do fine with labor- its much easier- this is a lot more painful.”  WHAT?????  WTF??!!  Why wasn’t I told that ahead of time and why don’t they give a pain killer or something- not that I would have taken it.  The whole experience only lasted about 10 minutes but it was hands down the most painful 10 minutes of my life.

So they told me I would be bleeding bright red for the rest of the day and then brown spotting for the next few days.  Yesterday I had very minimal bleeding, nothing overnight and literally like 2 spots today.   No cramps or anything but still traumatized from the experience.  Dr. Hux said about 10% of women will go into labor within a few days when the stitches are removed.  The other 90% will go into labor within the remaining weeks.  I guess we will have to wait to see what side of the statistic I fall into.

All Packed And Other Random Updates…


My hospital bag is all packed and ready to go!  Tomorrow I get my cerclage removed and Dr. Hux recommended I bring my hospital bag with me “just in case”.  After that I will be on moderate bed rest for 7 days- not for any reason other than to give him a little more time to cook.   I still can’t believe I’m pregnant let alone having a baby soon.  And by soon I mean hours, days, maybe even a week or 2- yikes!  I have a feeling I will delivery before July 3 but we shall soon see.


I have renamed the baby Optimus Prime because he feels like a Transformer in my belly.  I have never seen or heard of a baby morphing so much.  It’s really starting to hurt.  I feel like he’s digging into my uterus and like in some horror movie his leg will rip out of my side.  It’s pretty freaky to watch.  I was able to get a short video of it about a month ago but its way more pronounced now.


Another new development- I got my 1st pregnancy related hemorrhoid.  I’ve never had one before.  I will spare you all the gory details of how it happened but let’s just say I will be picking up a stool softener on my way home.  I have no knowledge of these little butt creatures.  I’ll have to ask Dr. Hux tomorrow how to treat it.  I Google Imaged it and mine doesn’t look like a little bubble like I saw online.  Mine looks like a rubber band hanging out of my butt- good times!

OK need to change the subject.  I bought a drawer organizer for the nursery…

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I love how everything has its own compartment- totally falls in line with my OCD.  Although I’m sure once Mike gets his grubby man hands in there it will be all messed up.

If you thought the baby has a lot of clothes I know something he has more of…

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SOCKS!  Gee I wonder how that happened?  It’s not like a have a sock fetish or anything (insert giggle).  My mom bought some socks and I had to turn them away- I have no more sock space!  Oh the horror!


And finally for the most interesting development.  I know- you are all wondering what could possibly be more interesting than hemorrhoids and socks?  And the answer- limbo style dropage.  I’m not sure if that’s really a word but I woke up to a belly that is A LOT lower than it was when I went to bed.  I think this is Optimus Prime trying to make his escape from my wretched womb.

I will check in tomorrow and let you know what its like to get stitches removed from your cervix- party on!


I Have A Plan- Do You?



Until recently, when people would ask me if I had a birth plan I would say, “yes, my plan is to have a baby”.    I thought that was enough of a plan with no further explanation needed.  It wasn’t until I started taking birthing classes and talking to my doula that I thought “hey, maybe a birth plan isn’t such a bad idea”.

Originally I feared having a birth plan.  I was afraid that if I wrote things down and everything didn’t go exactly as “planned” that I would be so disappointed and have regrets about my labor and delivery.  I also didn’t think there was really that much to “plan”.  I thought it was just about whether or not I wanted an epidural if I had a vaginal delivery.  It wasn’t until I became more educated about labor and delivery that I realized there really are a lot of options and I really did have strong opinions about some of them.  I also realized that a “birth plan” is really just that- a plan.  It’s just a guideline of how your dream labor and delivery would be.  It’s not set in stone, it doesn’t all have to happen and the best part is- in a lot of scenarios you can change your mind if you want.  If it says “no epidural” in your birth plan that doesn’t mean if you are screaming in pain and begging for it that you won’t get one.  The main thing is to first figure out what is important to you and what you would like to have and what you would like to avoid- in the ideal situation of your “fantasy delivery”.  Below is a sample birth plan that my doula gave me (yeah I know I still need to write about my doula).  This is the complete draft but I crossed out some of the things I did not want to include.  What is left is MY plan.  It doesn’t have to be YOUR plan and you don’t have to agree with my plan but please don’t judge it.  The draft is in italics and my explanation is not in italics.  Obviously I didn’t include my explanation in the birth plan but have for the sake of this blog.

We have chosen to give birth at the maternity ward of XYZ Hospital because of their outstanding facility and great staff.  We are requesting your help to attain our goals and have a happy, healthy birth. In the event of complications, we will give our full cooperation after an informed discussion with the doctor and private consideration between mother, father, and doula.

 First Stage of Labor:

  • Those to be present at all times at the labor and birth: Father and Doula, please do not allow anyone else into my room without my expressed permission
  • I would like to labor at home as long as possible and request the option to return home if I arrive at less than 5 cm dilated. I’m a little nervous to labor at home for too long being that I only have 1/2 my cervix.  I’m not sure if that will speed up the dilation process for me and I won’t want to take any chances.
  • No IV upon admission, please use a heparin/saline lock but only in the event should I agree to drugs
  • I would like my birth room to remain a positive environment
  • Intermittent monitoring with a Doppler They can monitor me all they want. I will be comforted knowing everything is OK.
  • Vaginal exams only upon consent and as few as possible to avoid rupture of membranes I’m sure I’m not going to want them sticking anything in me.
  • Should I need an intervention I would like it to be explained to me prior and then discuss with the father and doula
  • No pitocin or breaking of water
  • No analgesia or anesthesia unless requested, please do not ask about pain
  • Freedom to move, walk, eat and drink during labor
  • I would prefer no hospital gown – I will bring one from home I’ll take the gown. This will be no beauty contest and I have no clue what I would bring to wear. Let them ruin their own gown.
  • Quiet room, no excess staff please

Second Stage Labor :

  • Choice of position for pushing; please no stirrups
  • Mother chooses when to push, no directing or counting
  • No episiotomy
  • Please place baby on mother’s abdomen after birth
  • Cord to be cut by Father, after pulsing stops (delayed cord clamping)
  • Breastfeed immediately to help birth placentano pitocin, uterine massage, or pulling of cord
  • Keep lights low
  • I would like to remain in the birthing tub as much even possibly birthing in the tub should I feel most comfortable there.
  • If stitching is necessary, please use local anesthetic.

Third Stage Labor:

  • Newborn to stay with mother at all times
  • Erythromycin in the eyes, Vitamin K shot, Vaccinations- YES
  • Mother will provide diapers for baby (I’m a freak about the chlorine free diapers- my hospital uses Pampers)
  • Please delay all routine exams for 1 day to allow for bonding time
  • No immediate bathing of baby so as to promote breastfeeding
  • Please perform all physical exams, procedures (except circumcision), and bathing in room with parents.
  • If warming is needed, baby is to be placed on mother’s chest with blankets.
  • Breastfeeding only: no bottles, pacifiers, artificial nipples, formula, or water I’m not opposed to any of that and want to leave the option open
  • Circumcision- YES (don’t judge!)
  • Father to stay with baby and mother at all times

We thank you in advance for your support and kind attention to our choices. We look forward to a wonderful birth.  Thank you!!  NOTE: In the event of a c-section, I would like Father and Doula to be present. Please let the baby remain with mother until stitched up and ready to be moved to recovery.

So there you go- easy enough.  Mike thinks I’m CRAZY but if I can have a vaginal delivery I want to hold out as long as possible for an epidural.  Hopefully I can get away with not needing one at all but I want to allow myself the right to have it if I need it.  I’ve fantasized about the PERFECT labor and delivery all my life.   Never has that included a C-section.  I know I will be majorly disappointed if I need to have one but I’m trying to make peace with that in my head now before it might happen.  Whatever will be will be and all that matters in the end is that I have a healthy baby.


The Baby Cave


Daddy has his Man Cave and now Jackson has his Baby Cave.  The nursery is finally complete.  Well, its been done for a while but I’m just now getting a chance to blog about it.

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He’s going to be sleeping in our room for the first few weeks until I get the hang of everything.  My aunt had given me her old bassinet that I was planning to use.  Problem was the bedding was supposed to be hand washed (screw that) and it was a total pain to get off and even more of a nightmare to put back together.  Given that babies puke, pee and poo a lot I didn’t want to have to deal with the struggle the bassinet caused me.  I went and got him a small travel sized bed.  It’s pretty much a midget version of a pack n play and has 3 levels of mattress height.  This will be great for when we travel (as if) and will also be perfect for the beach next summer.  Another great thing about it is its grey so it matches our room and not white and frilly like the bassinet (Mike didn’t feel it was masculine enough lol).  This is more of a baby sleeper a “man” could be proud of lol.


So we have this midget bed in our room, a crib in the baby cave, a pack n play on the main floor and a porta crib in the Man Cave.  I figured we also needed a changing station on the main floor so I dedicated a corner in our living room for that.  Gotta love how this kid is already taking over the house and he’s not even here yet.


I know I need to raise the picture but for now I’m using the existing nail that was there until “Mike the Tool Man” can adjust it.  I’m not putting a changing station in the Man Cave because I doubt he will be down there too much- unless he learns how to play poker and drink beer quicker than expected.

So we are pretty much ready for this little dude to make his appearance soon.  We’ve taken all our classes, I installed the car seat and had it inspected by the police. My hospital bag is not technically packed but everything is piled in the crib just waiting for the stuff I use every day to be added.  Jackson’s clothes and misc. items are all washed and ready to be thrown (gently placed) in a bag.  We’ve met with our doula and our birth “plan” is written (both of which will be separate blog posts).  Tomorrow is our last OB apt before my cerclage (cervical stitches) comes out on June 26th.  After that Jackson will be able to grace us with his presence whenever he wants.  I’m putting my bet on July 3rd but that might just be wishful thinking.  Stay tuned…


Infant CPR

Life function check demonstration

We took an infant CPR and choking class.  I highly, highly recommend taking one.  My mom came with us since she will be our main babysitter (surprise mom!).    This class also covered toddler and adult CPR and choking.  I’m so happy we took this class because I’m way more confidant after taking it.  I’m sure in the event of an emergency I’ll still panic but at least I’ll know what to do.  This class should be a requirement of anyone having a baby- go sign up now!

I’m An Orangutan


This picture pretty much sums it up.  My belly has taken over my body.  My boobs now rest on my stomach when I don’t have a bra on.  And when I do have a bra on it rubs the top of my stomach so I have a nice, sore rash there.  My belly button looks like a 3rd nipple.  I have to sit on the floor to shave my legs and even then I’m kinda doing it blindly hoping I don’t miss a section.  And that’s just my legs- forget about the other hair sprouting parts!  Mike insisted I do some grooming before I go into labor.  I guess he thinks if I have a vaginal birth our son with surely be traumatized for life and never want to go near another vagina.  I can’t see myself down there so I finally looked in a mirror- holy fuck Batman- what is that creature?  I attempted to use a beard trimmer but like I said I can’t see so I was going at it blind- and I’m sure I dulled the blades.  Won’t Mike be surprised in Feb when he grows his “I won’t shave all football season” Yukon Cornelius looking beard.  I used to be that girl who went every 4 weeks for a Brazilian.  Well now it looks more like my vagina went thru a few rounds of chemo.  Oh yeah, one thing the books don’t tell you- everything swells when you’re pregnant- including your vag.  I can’t get a good look but it feels the size of a grapefruit.  Yes, a furry grapefruit that is missing large patches of hair.  But seriously- I would not trade this for anything in the world- so excited for this little man!  Excuse me while I run to Home Depot to price out weed whackers.